The worlds inside the mind of a writer

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Middle Earth from “The Lord of the Rings”

Franz Kafka said in The Diaries of Franz Kafka, “This tremendous world I have inside of me. How to free myself, and this world, without tearing myself to pieces. And rather tear myself to a thousand pieces than be buried with this world within me.”

That explains what’s inside the mind of a writer. I know I’ve touched on world building before in my blog, but I had to take another whack at it. World building can either make or break a story. You have to make the world your characters live in believable. That means, as an author, you have to be an architect, city planner, landscape artist, geologist and mapmaker, all rolled into one.

I really started last week when I started watching Terry Brooks’ The Shannara Chronicles on MTV. It really made me appreciate this new world he created from the ashes of our world today. That’s a common thread you see in world building in literature–building a new one from the old. You see that in the Four Lands in Shannara, Panem in The Hunger Games just to name a few. These are not worlds built using by redrawing the lines of states and countries but places imagined after the worst possible disaster.

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Westeros from “Game of Thrones”

Then there are original worlds like Middle Earth from J.R.R. Tolkien or Westeros from George R.R. Martin. These are the works of masters in the art of world-building. Author Ace Antonio Hall said, “When you get some free time, write. When you get some lazy time, plan. When you get down time, world build. When your time comes, shine!”

This is true for those who take the challenge of creating a world from scratch. This was the problem I faced when I started writing the Forever Avalon series. Though Avalon was a place mired in legend and mythology, it was never something that was mapped out. I had to create Avalon as it would develop in my story and mine alone.

Author Patrick Rothfuss was interviewed by bloggers The Rabid Rainbow Ferret Society about world building. He said, “World building has two parts. One is the actual creation. The other is bringing the world into your story. Everything you create should not be in your story.” He called this secondary world creation.

I did a lot of this in my misspent youth playing hours upon hours of Dungeons and Dragons. As a Dungeonmaster, you create everything from the country to the towns and the dungeons, then fill it with everything under the sun from monsters to Elves, Dwarves, etc.

I took Avalon to be a lot like England was in medieval times, specifically because legend and local lore suggests Avalon was actually a part of Wales. So first, I divided up the lands, giving them out to the various Lords of Avalon to control, in the name of the King. I even used names from towns, provinces and local landmarks in England, assuming that people who were brought from England to Avalon needed that familiarity.

(FYI, here’s my self-serving pitch for those wanting to catch up on Avalon in my first two books, Forever Avalon is available for purchase at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. The Dark Tides is available for purchase at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and iUniverse.)

I actually had to draw out the map of the island so that, when I’m writing, I make sure I’m going in the right direction when I’m moving characters around the island. I can’t begin to tell you how difficult that’s going to become after my third book, The Outlander War, is finished. So, no spoilers here … not yet at least.

For the best advice on how to reveal your world to the reader, I have to give it again to Patrick Rothfuss, who said, “My advice is to withhold information from the reader. Because if you tease with a little information early on, they’ll get curious. And if I can get them to go “How does this work?” and lean in a little bit, then I’ve won.”

He’s absolutely right about that. In Forever Avalon, I teased my readers about the dragon island Emmyr, the home of Lord Bryan MoonDrake, the Gil-Gamesh of Avalon. I talked about the dragons, how he built a home there, but never let on about the true nature of the island until they arrived to see the floating island in the sky, shrouded by mist and encircled by flying dragons. The surprise was worth the wait.

So create your worlds, build them as you build your story, but keep the reader guessing. It’ll help draw them in and wanting more.

A look ahead to 2016 — A preview of “The Outlander War, Book 3 of the Forever Avalon series”

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year-in-review-1Well, here we are in 2016. I hope everyone had a Happy New Year and, although it’s the first Monday of the new year, let’s be positive. 2015 was not the best year. Between terrorism, political intrigue, riots in Ferguson and Baltimore, email scandals, mass shootings and unexpected deaths, it’s definitely not in my top 10. The positive things I can say about 2015 was Star Wars: The Force Awakens, the return of Bloom County on Facebook, Doctor Who season 9, great comic book TV shows and the positive reviews I received for my second novel, The Dark Tides. More bad than good, but still, just an okay year.

As I look ahead to 2016, I am happy to report that the third book in the Forever Avalon series, The Outlander War, is nearly finished. So I thought what better way to kick off 2016 than with a preview of the next chapter in my medieval fantasy/adventures series. Here is the prologue from The Outlander War!

* * *

The field was strewn with the dead; warriors felled by sword and axe, spear and shaft. Blood flowed across the ground, but there were no winners here … Only death triumphed this day. Camlann sat near the southern coast of England in Wales. This was the last stand by Mordred and forces loyal to his sorceress mother, Morgana le Fay, against the King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.

The Battle of Camlann was the final conflict between King Arthur and Mordred. The two combatants laid side-by-side on the ground, both men mortally wounded by the other.

As Sir Percival ran to his monarch’s aid, Mordred crawled away, not wanting to wait for the last of the Knights of the Round Table to finish him off.

Percival dropped his sword and lifted Arthur’s head on his lap. “My liege,” he cried. “I am here Your Majesty.”

“Percival … Listen to me,” King Arthur groaned. “Take Excalibur to the Lady of the Lake; it must not fall into the wrong hands!” He handed his sword to Percival, placing the hilt firmly in his hands. “You must do this for me.”

Percival nodded his head as tears began to roll down his face. “I will sire! I will” he assured his King. Arthur smiled, his mind at ease. He coughed violently, blood spewing from his lips.

“Find Mordred, Percival,” he choked out. “He must not be allowed to take the throne of Camelot. You must …” King Arthur coughed again as he gasped for each breath. Percival did his best to comfort the dying monarch.

“Do not fear, milord. As long as there is breath in my body, he will never sit on the throne. This I swear!”

King Arthur took one last breath before his body went rigid, his eyes stared into the stars above. His arms went limp as the King fell back and died. Percival cried as he closed the King’s eyes and set him gently down on the ground.

He looked over to Excalibur and knew he had a promise to keep. He reached for the sword but it was quickly scooped up by the hands of Merlin the Magician. The sorcerer and advisor to King Arthur took the sword without a word to Sir Percival, walking up toward the top of the hill.

“Merlin, what are you doing?” Percival screamed as he leaped to his feet. “I must return Excalibur to the Lady of the Lake. It was the King’s final command.”

Merlin said nothing. He quickened his pace to the reach the top of the hill. He walked past the bodies of the dead knights, laying where they fell in battle. Percival became irritated at the wizard. He ran up and grabbed him by the arm.

“Dammit Merlin, answer me!” he commanded. Merlin pointed his staff at Percival to ward him off. The twisted shaft of Wych Elm had three branches at the top, looking like a trident, with crystals of rose, smoky and white quartz embedded in those branches. The crystals glowed, as magical energy hovered between them, threatening the knight to stay away.

“We don’t have time Sir Percival,” Merlin exclaimed. “I must act quickly to save us all.”

Merlin turned away to continue climbing up the hill. Percival was confused by Merlin’s statement. “Time for what? Merlin, what do you mean?” he shouted as he chased after the wizard.

“The age of magic is coming to an end, and so is our world,” he explained. “With Arthur’s death, the magic that fills our realm is already starting to fade. I must act quickly if I am to stem the tide.”

“But how?” Percival asked. “How can you do that?”

“There is a spell, one of the first ever written,” Merlin began to explain. “If I focus that spell through Excalibur, it will bring all magic together in one place.”

“Where Merlin? Where are you sending it?”

Merlin stopped as he reached the summit. “To Avalon, my boy! To Avalon! There, I will summon all the magic, magical creatures and beings into one place, hidden from the rest of the world.”

The wizard rammed his staff into the ground in front of him. He took Excalibur and placed the hilt between the branches, allowing the sword to hang down from the staff. Merlin stood behind them and started chanting. It was an ancient language, unknown to this day and age. He repeated the spell until he got into a rhythm, chanting as magic began to erupt from the ground around him.

Percival stood back as watched the ritual unfold before him. The energy around Merlin grew brighter and brighter as the spell reached its zenith.

“No!” shouted a voice from behind. Percival drew his sword as he turned to see who was shouting at them.

Mordred, bloodied and wounded from his fight with King Arthur, charged up the hill. His blonde hair was dirty and matted, but his golden armor—a gift from his mother to protect him from harm—still shined brightly in the glow of the magic that surrounded Merlin.

“I will have Excalibur,” he shouted. “By birthright, I am now King!”

Percival stepped between Mordred and Merlin. “You will never be King, Mordred. My descendants and I will always stand between you and the throne.”

“You will not stop me Percival,” Mordred chastised as he drew his sword. “No matter where you go, I will take Excalibur in my hands, I will sit on Arthur’s throne … I will be King!”

Percival leaped at Mordred, bringing his sword down at him as Mordred raised his to counter his attack. As steel clashed together, the magic around Merlin exploded in brilliant flash of light. In an instant, they were all gone. Across England and around the world, anything and everything touched by magic just disappeared; faded into myth and legend, never to be seen again, or so they thought.

* * *

In case you want to catch up on the first two books, Forever Avalon is available for purchase at Amazon and Barnes and Noble. The Dark Tides is available for purchase at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and iUniverse.

Death and dying in literature is the hardest part of being an author

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“No one knows whether death, which people fear to be the greatest evil, may not be the greatest good.” – Plato

I know I broached this subject before, but it’s really knawing at me, especially now. I am almost done with my third novel of the Forever Avalon series–the end of the first trilogy–and death is hovering around me. I don’t know about other authors, but for me, death is the hardest part of writing. For the past 10 years, I have put my heart and soul into my writing. These characters, that I have so lovingly created, are like family to me and having to kill some of them to move the plot along can be quite difficult.

Some people find comfort in death Helen Keller said, “Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see.”

Then there are those you want to see dead. Sure, it’s easy to kill the villains, because they’re the bad guys. They’re the ones you want to be foiled, thwarted, even destroyed by the end of the book. To them, death is just the means to an end in their quest for power, fame or dominion over others.

I think J.R.R. Tolkien summed it up best in The Fellowship of the Ring. He wrote, “Many that live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgement. For even the very wise cannot see all ends.”

Below is an excerpt from The Dark Tides which demonstrates how death moves the story along; but also, for me, it was one of the hardest pages I’ve ever written. I was in tears as I wrote this part of the story, which is why I want to share it with you now.

* * *

With a wave of her hand, Lady Heather gave the signal as two airships descend from the night sky toward Emmyr. It was the Reaper and the Flying Fancy. Ropes were lowered down for the remaining pirates and goblins to ascend. Captain Avery was lowered down from the Fancy
on a platform for Morgana and Lady Heather to ride up on.

Heather handed Bowen off to one of Avery’s men to hold. Cadhla desperately reached out for her son, who cried as he tried to reach for his mother, but to no avail.

“Heather please, don’t do this!” the Queen pleaded, “Take me instead, just leave my son; please leave him alone! It’s me you want, not him.”

Heather walked over to the Queen, strutting over the dominance of her enemy. “Now why would I want you? I mean, what good is a dead hostage,” she said as she plunged the Dagger of Koram into Cadhla’s chest. Th e Queen fell to her knees, unable to breathe and unable to speak. “The Queen is dead …” Heather shouted sarcastically as she pulled the dagger out.

“… Long live the King!” Heather mocked young Bowen, giving him a curtsey. Cadhla fell backwards to the ground. Hunter tried to help her but he could barely move. He was only able to lift her head gently onto his lap. He wept for Cadhla as his gaze shifted to Bowen as he is hauled
up to the waiting ships.

Avery walked up to the Gil-Gamesh, still being held by the goblins. He drew his sword Crossbones as he approached Bryan, placing the blade under his chin. He lifted the Gil-Gamesh’s head up so he can look into his eyes, cutting a deep gash from his chin to his cheek.

“It would be spiteful to take your eye like you did mine, but you might just need that to find the broach for Morgana,” he cursed the Gil-Gamesh. Without warning, threw his sword at Nevan, plunging the blade deep into his chest. Nevan slumped down onto a shocked Sarafina
and young Thomas.

“You took my right eye, now I took your right hand,” Avery said as he walked over to Nevan and retrieved his blade, leaving Sarafina in despair next to her dying husband. “That’ll do for now!” Avery sheathed his sword and joined Heather and Morgana on the platform.

“One month Gil-Gamesh, until the next new moon … Bring my broach to Idlehorn or your young King dies!” Morgana promised. The platform rose up to the Flying Fancy. As the platform moved, the Dark Tides effect on the people lessened and the people slowly began to recover.

Explosions were heard from the port as the people looked down to see Avery’s ships fire on the port and shipyard, destroying the ships and parts of the port itself. Th e fires burned on throughout the city, leaving everyone in shock.

But the only sound that could be heard was the cries of little Thomas Forest as he spoke his first words to his dying father.

“Daddy …SKU-000941753 Daddy please get up! Mommy, tell Daddy to get up! I’ll say anything you want me too Daddy, just please get up!” the little boy cried, repeating it over and over again. Nevan smiled. He finally heard his son call him Daddy. It’s the last thing he heard as his life faded away.

* * *

The Dark Tides is now available for purchase at Amazon, Barnes and Noble and iUniverse.

The holiday season flies by faster than Santa’s sleigh with a tail wind

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Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

It’s finally here! Christmas is only four days away. It’s strange how time flies so fast around the holiday season. You blink and it’s over. Jus as your finish putting up the Christmas decorations, you barely have time to enjoy them and suddenly, you start to take them down.

I’m not trying to burst the holiday bubble, really I’m not. It’s just every year, as the holidays start earlier (as in October) they seem to go by faster. You look forward to going to holiday parades, Christmas tree lighting celebrations, visiting family and before you know it, POOF! It’s all gone.

By the end of the week, the annual parade of Christmas specials will change into “Year in Review” specials and a look back at 2015. It’s just too abrupt. We have become a society where “we want it fast and we want it now” as we try to cram everything into one holiday, not even enjoying it as we rush off into the next. It’s like when you mother tells you “to slow down and enjoy your dinner” but you just want to get it over with so you can go back to playing video games or watching TV.

Some cultures even take Christmas out farther to January 6 to celebrate the Epiphany, or Three Kings Day, when the three wise men finally arrived at the manger to present gifts to the baby Jesus. There are so many significant differences in cultures and how they celebrate Christmas, you wouldn’t even recognize it in other countries.

In the Far East, like China and Japan, Christmas is not a recognized national holiday. It’s more of a commerce-driven celebration. Sure, they still exchange gifts, hang up decorations and send out Christmas cards, but not for the same reason as us. In most African nations, Christmas is a time when people empty the cities and return to their ancestral homes to be with family. In all of this, you can still see the one common denominator, bringing people together to celebrate family and friends.

So, however you celebrate Christmas this year, I hope you can spend that time with family and friends and enjoy the holiday and the end of 2015. So here’s wishing you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanza, and a Happy New Year!

 

What Doctor Who teaches us about the magic of Christmas

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Christmas has many traditions that people observe in their own way, from when do we get to open presents to what foods we get to eat. My favorite Christmas tradition is watching the annual Doctor Who special on BBC America.

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“The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe”

It may not seem like a normal tradition to some people, but it is very normal to geeks like me. Doctor Who has been around as long as I’ve been alive. These Christmas specials are special on so many different levels. They are wonderful stories in their own right, setting up the next season of Doctor Who, and they demonstrate the universal truth about the Christmas holiday. “The Doctor, the Widow and the Wardrobe” taught us the importance of family at the holidays. “Last Christmas” taught us to believe in Santa Claus, even with an alien crab stuck to our heads. “Voyage of the Damned” told us why Titanic is a bad name for a ship in any universe.

To fans like me, the Doctor Who Christmas specials are just as important as watching How the Grinch Stole Christmas or It’s a Wonderful Life every year. These are special episodes made to make us laugh, make us cry and tease us for what’s happening next season.

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“The Snowmen”

Sometimes, they even help us say goodbye to the old Doctor and hello to the new one. The past three Doctors have all regenerated during a Christmas special. The 10th Doctor, David Tennant, died in “The End of Time” and regenerated into the 11th Doctor, Matt Smith. Consequently, Matt Smith died in “The Time of the Doctor” and regenerated into the 12th Doctor, Peter Capaldi. I think BBC does this to make it easy on the fans as they watch these specials on Christmas with family and friends who share their enthusiasm for Doctor Who.

The other great aspect of the Doctor Who Christmas Specials is the wonderful actors that guest star in these episodes. Kylie Minogue played a waitress on the Titanic starliner in “Voyage of the Damned” Christmas episode. Michael Gambon and opera star Katherine Jenkins were in my favorite Doctor Who Christmas special, “A Christmas Carol.”

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“Last Christmas”

The origins of the Doctor Who Christmas specials date back to 1964. During a seven-part serial “The Daleks Master Plan” premiered one episode on Christmas Day called “The Feast of Steven” which included breaking the “fourth wall” in television, wishing viewers a Happy Christmas. The tradition really started in 2005 with “The Christmas Invasion” as the Doctor (David Tennant) and Rose Tyler (Billie Piper) helped stop an alien invasion on Christmas Day. From then on, people have enjoyed their Christmas pudding and spiked Eggnog with an extra helping of Doctor Who.

Some people will tune into 24 hours of A Christmas Story, go to church or maybe gather around the piano and sing Christmas carols on Christmas night, but not us diehard Whovians. We will sit and wait and tune into the BBC for our annual tradition of the Doctor, his sonic screwdriver and the TARDIS. It just wouldn’t be Christmas without the Doctor.

 

The forgotten Christmas specials we never get to watch anymore

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At this time of year, the one thing you can always count on is the throng of Christmas specials airing on every channel imaginable, in one language or another, at various times of day to ensure we get to see it  within the holiday season. We find ourselves overwhelmed with 24 hours of A Christmas Story, 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family, etc.

But through all that, there’s still a few memorable Christmas movies and TV specials that you don’t see anymore. These shows captured the spirit of Christmas but seemed to have fallen out of favor when it comes to TV programmers. I, for one, haven’t forgotten them and thought it would be great to share them with you.

hqdefaultThe Forgotten Toys (1995) — This is one of my favorite animated specials, not only for the unique “storybook” animation, but for the beautiful, timeless Christmas story it represents. Teddy the Bear and Dolly the Ragdoll were thrown out on Christmas morning for better, hi-tech toys. The two go on an adventure through junkyards and old cellars to find a child to love them. The best part of this special is the brilliant performance by the late Bob Hoskins (Roger Rabbit, Hook) as Teddy Bear. His best scene is where he tells the story of how the Teddy Bear was named (after President Theodore Roosevelt) to try to sway some angry dogs. It’s a wonderful Christmas story. My kids wore out the VHS tape we had, but they have yet to make it into a DvD. It’s a shame to lose this holiday classic.

TheShopAroundTheCornerPoster-01The Shop Around the Corner (1940) — You think you know this one but you probably don’t. The Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan film You’ve Got Mail was based on this original classic with Jimmy Stewart and Margaret Sullavan. Her store was called The Shop Around the Corner as a nod to the original. The premise is still the same, a man and a woman correspond and fall in love, not realizing its the person right next to them who they loathe and despise. The original takes place in Budapest at Christmas time. Though it’s not a strict holiday film, it has that “Frank Capra” holiday “vibe” to it like It’s a Wonderful Life. One of the best scenes for me is the restaurant scene where he finds out she’s the one he’s been corresponding with. I swear the scene is virtually identical to the one in You’ve Got Mail. It’s funny, warm-hearted, and the chemistry between Jimmy Stewart and Maragret Sullavan is fun to watch.

picture31A Muppet Family Christmas (1987) — This is all the classic Muppet franchises from the beginning brought together in one Christmas special. We’re talking The Muppet Show, Sesame Street and Fraggle Rock. It involved Fozzy the Bear bringing all his friends to his mother’s house in the country to celebrate Christmas, unaware she was planning Christmas in Hawaii. Soon the Sesame Street gang shows up, with the Swedish Chef trying to cook Big Bird for Christmas dinner, and Kermit and Robin finding their way underground to Fraggle Rock. It even has a brief appearance of a home movie of the Muppets as babies. It’s one of those Christmas specials that’ll have the music stuck in your head for months after Christmas. My wife can’t listen to the song “We need a little Christmas now” without thinking of the Muppets.

hqdefault (1)Bedtime for Sniffles (1940) & Peace on Earth (1939) — I remember watching these as a child and then watching them again with my children. This was a time when cartoons was made to makes us laugh and teach us powerful messages, not gross us out or shock us like the cartoons of today. Bedtime for Sniffles is a classic Looney Toons cartoon featuring the adorable Sniffles the Mouse. Sniffles wants to stay up late to see Santa and does everything he can to try to stay awake. This is one determined mouse, drinking a pot of black coffee wait for Santa. It’s cute adorable and filled with the holiday spirit you generally associate 150-004singwith cartoons from this era. Peace on Earth is another classic yet rarely seen holiday cartoon, made in the hopes for peace after the horrors of World War I reigned across Europe. Even as Hitler rose to power and the prelude to World War II, there was still hope for peace. It’s amazing to see the instruments of war used as houses and other items by the animals in this cartoon.

ebbie-06Ebbie (1995) — There have been many versions of the Charles Dickens classic A Christmas Carol, but this one is one of my favorites. It features popular TV soap star Susan Lucci as Elizabeth Scrooge, or Ebbie. It uses a popular local department store as the venue for this Christmas story, a workaholic CEO who only sees the bottom line at Christmas. I do love how the ghosts take on the form of her employees, showing her through her tortured life. Marley is especially tragic, but acting in a very business-like way, setting up her visits by the ghosts as appointments. She even offered to take them all at once on a conference call. It has all the wonderful, heart-warming messages found within the Dickens classic. It is definitely one to watch!

Well, these are my lost but not forgotten holiday classics, what’s some of yours? Let me know in the comment section about your favorite but forgotten holiday hits!Until then, Merry Christmas!

It’s Christmas time again, so let’s be politically incorrect for a change!

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My Christmas tree is already up!

Let me start out by saying that I try not to be political in my blogs. In today’s society, espousing one’s political views can cause you world’s of hurt from the “trolls” whose only joy is to write terrible things about you from one end of the net to the other. That being said, I tend to be very politically incorrect when it comes to Christmas.

What started out as a reason to party and let loose centuries ago, with pagan sensibilities mind you, has become a time of family, celebration, and religious worship. It’s also caused many people to get a stick up their ass if you even say “Merry Christmas” to them.

What is wrong with Merry Christmas? All you’re doing is wishing someone a glad tidings at this festive time of year. It’s not like you’re flipping them the bird, yet some people want to stop us from saying Merry Christmas “in case” it offends someone. Anything I might say could offend anyone at any given time. That’s why we have freedom of speech in this country. Saying Merry Christmas to a perfect stranger is no different than wishing them a good morning/afternoon/evening; but if you’re one of those people who gets offended by it, you’re what’s wrong with society today, not me.

We need to put the fun back into the holidays and take out the stress. I love movies like “The Christmas Story” and “The Walton’s Homecoming Special” because they speak of a simpler time when we took the time for family, community, church and holiday spirit. It was about Christian, Jew, Agnostic or atheist. It was about the joy of Christmas.

I will admit, I do hate it how the holidays are slammed one into the other. The day after Halloween, every store is already decorated for Christmas. You don’t even get a chance to breathe. I saw a Christmas commercial for Best Buy on Halloween night. It was ridiculous.

I learned an interesting tidbit this year. President Franklin D. Roosevelt actually wanted Thanksgiving to fall the 3rd Thursday in November, instead of the 4th, to give retailers the extra week of holiday shopping. It’s strange how that isn’t necessary today because we’re shopping for Christmas from 1 November to 24 December with online shopping and aggressive retailers. Even “Black Friday” isn’t a thing anymore because some stores open on Thanksgiving night.

I understand this better than most because I live with a wonderful woman who eats, lives and breathes Christmas 24/7, 365 days a year. My lovely wife, Georgiene, listens to Christmas music, watches Christmas movies and keeps that joy of Christmas alive all year round. Though I sometimes find it annoying in the middle of Summer, it has given me a better appreciation for the holiday.

So, as we march into the last 25 days of Christmas, I want to wish all of you a very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah and Happy Kwanza! And for the rest of you trolls out there, Bah Humbug!

To write, or not to write … That is the question!

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97b6276dfde6d2999d4d01ac9bb1a735Being unemployed is not all it’s cracked up to be. I spend most of my time searching job sites, applying for at least five jobs a day, going through tons of emails filed with job search results and rejection letters, filing for unemployment, going to job fairs … It’s a bloody mess.

On top of all that is the urge to take this time and finish writing my next book. I want to do it but my conscience won’t allow me too. I have a responsibility to my wife and my family to lift myself out of this hole I dug and get us back on track.

That’s what happens when you don’t worry about where your next paycheck is coming from for more than 30 years. You get complacent and relaxed to the point where you don’t think you could ever lose your job. You’re invaluable and they can’t do it without you. That’s what I thought, because as the saying goes, it’s hard to fire a federal employee. Trust me when I say, it’s not!

So now the dilemma, to write or not to write. I know my wife doesn’t want to see me writing  anytime soon because it’s one of the reasons I’m in this mess in the first place. I was working on and editing my novels at work. Though, in my opinion, it never took me away from my job, that’s what got the ball rolling. Within a year of the investigation, I was fired … a first for me. I’m not proud of that fact but I have to put it behind me and move forward.

Writing is how I identify myself, it’s who I am. I am a writer and I love it. I love to see my words come together on a page, I love telling my stories, and I have so much more to tell. I can’t imagine not writing, but right now, it’s not paying the bills. I have to juggle between finding a job and continuing to write.

This is worse than writer’s block. I usually use this blog to talk about things I’ve learned and experienced as a Sailor, a self-published author, and a certified geek. This is not what I want to spend my time writing about but, in a way, it’s therapeutic.

The day after I was fired, I was called by my lawyer. She was contacted by people on the base (where I worked) because they saw something I write on Facebook and were concerned I was going to hurt myself. I can honestly say that it did cross my mind, but then I realized that it would only create more problems for my family and friends., I can’t do that to them.

I guess that’s why I do this, why I write. It’s very comforting to watch what you say come together in a flowing message. You bare your soul as a writer, giving life meaning in every word you write. It may not make sense to some people, others may discover the truth behind the meaning, but in the end, it’s how it makes you–the writer–feel.

Right now, I feel a little lost, but I have faith in my God, my family and my friends that it will be a better day. So for now, I will continue to write. It will help me become a better writer and it will help my heart, mind and soul get through this rough patch.

As Scarlett O’Hara proclaimed, “Tomorrow is another day!”

When life gives you lemons, trade them for some limes and make a cocktail!

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ba426c39-1691-42d8-a323-c17077cd46e1I usually don’t get personal in my blog. I try to focus on the things I love—faith, family, writing and all this geek! This week, I have to be serious because I’ve got some really bad news. After 30+ years of service to my country, as a Sailor for 23 and a civil servant for the last seven, I was fired from my job. For the first time in 30 years, I find myself unemployed.

I won’t go into details, so as to save myself from further embarrassment and humility, but safe to say it was my fault. I just didn’t think that, after all my years of service, this one mistake would get me fired. Unfortunately, it did.

If find myself at a crossroads. I’m 52-years-old, slightly overweight with only an associate degree in education. My experience in writing/editing and public relations is way up there, but without that piece of paper, many companies won’t take a chance on you.

I keep trying to find the silver lining in all of this and all I can find is that I now have more time to write. I can focus on the third book in my trilogy and continue marketing my books in hopes of gaining some recognition. Just before I was fired, I received word that one of the studio reps I pitched too at Pitchfest 2015 in New York asked for copies of my books. This could be the break I need to take my writing to the next level.

Unfortunately, the other shoe fell off and I was fired. From good news to very, very bad news, it hasn’t been a good week. As you can imagine, I have been on an emotional rollercoaster this past week. I’ve gone from feeling completely lost, a total failure to a glimmer of hope and faith that God will get me through this.

I have always had faith in God, believe in him, but I was never a religious person. I tried so many times but I always found an excuse not to go to church or pray on a daily basis. I don’t mean to get religious here with you, but I just wanted you to know what’s been going on inside me.

Everyone keeps telling me that, “when one door closes, another one opens” and I want to believe that. It’s just hard when you’re trying to figure out how to pay the mortgage, car payment, etc. I want to believe that things will get better but it’s hard when your actions have hurt so many in the process. My wife and my kids are also facing the brunt of me being fired and that puts a lot of guilt on me.

I guess I needed this opportunity to vent a little, and I appreciate you being there for me by reading this blog. I hope I can find the courage and fortitude to get back to writing, because it is what I love to do best. Right now, though, it’s hard to focus on writing a novel when I need to be writing my resume.

Any advice or kind words would be appreciated in the comments below. It’s going to be a long jaunt to reach the end, but to quote Clarence the Angel from “It’s a Wonderful Life” — A man with friends is not a failure!