I usually don’t get personal in my blog. I try to focus on the things I love—faith, family, writing and all this geek! This week, I have to be serious because I’ve got some really bad news. After 30+ years of service to my country, as a Sailor for 23 and a civil servant for the last seven, I was fired from my job. For the first time in 30 years, I find myself unemployed.

I won’t go into details, so as to save myself from further embarrassment and humility, but safe to say it was my fault. I just didn’t think that, after all my years of service, this one mistake would get me fired. Unfortunately, it did.

If find myself at a crossroads. I’m 52-years-old, slightly overweight with only an associate degree in education. My experience in writing/editing and public relations is way up there, but without that piece of paper, many companies won’t take a chance on you.

I keep trying to find the silver lining in all of this and all I can find is that I now have more time to write. I can focus on the third book in my trilogy and continue marketing my books in hopes of gaining some recognition. Just before I was fired, I received word that one of the studio reps I pitched too at Pitchfest 2015 in New York asked for copies of my books. This could be the break I need to take my writing to the next level.

Unfortunately, the other shoe fell off and I was fired. From good news to very, very bad news, it hasn’t been a good week. As you can imagine, I have been on an emotional rollercoaster this past week. I’ve gone from feeling completely lost, a total failure to a glimmer of hope and faith that God will get me through this.

I have always had faith in God, believe in him, but I was never a religious person. I tried so many times but I always found an excuse not to go to church or pray on a daily basis. I don’t mean to get religious here with you, but I just wanted you to know what’s been going on inside me.

Everyone keeps telling me that, “when one door closes, another one opens” and I want to believe that. It’s just hard when you’re trying to figure out how to pay the mortgage, car payment, etc. I want to believe that things will get better but it’s hard when your actions have hurt so many in the process. My wife and my kids are also facing the brunt of me being fired and that puts a lot of guilt on me.

I guess I needed this opportunity to vent a little, and I appreciate you being there for me by reading this blog. I hope I can find the courage and fortitude to get back to writing, because it is what I love to do best. Right now, though, it’s hard to focus on writing a novel when I need to be writing my resume.

Any advice or kind words would be appreciated in the comments below. It’s going to be a long jaunt to reach the end, but to quote Clarence the Angel from “It’s a Wonderful Life” — A man with friends is not a failure!