Sorry I’ve been absent from the blog for a while. I’ve had some personal issues to deal with, which I’m sure we’ve all had. So now, I’m ready to jump back into it.
In recent months, I’ve read over 15 books and binge watched several hours of anime. In that time, I’ve written maybe 20 pages in my current novel. I don’t know if it’s simple writer’s block or a lack of inspiration. I mean, I have my story outlined, I know what I want to say, but I just can’t put it down on paper (or the computer screen in my case). So what do I do, I read and I watch anime to motivate me; but instead, I find myself lacking… Lacking as a storyteller, as a writer, just lacking in general.
I find that my stories are, sometimes, less than. I find missing pieces, repeated words or sentences, and blatant plot holes. It’s a mess, and quite ddemoralizing.
I know it sounds kind of like a defeatist attitude, but it’s really just a reality check. I thought I was pretty good, very proud of my imagination and the stories I’ve been able to weave together. But, as I read other people’s work and watch the sometimes in depth story arcs you find in anime, I got a sense of humility, a longing that what I was doing just wasn’t enough. I still have a long way to go.
We all have our own shortcomings, and I aspire to be better, but at 56, it’s hard to find myself ever getting there. I know there are those authors who didnt get published til they were older, but I could never begin to compare myself to them.
I have to find my own voice, and to be honest, I thought I did. When I first wrote Forever Avalon, I thought I did a great job. The story was, to me, a perfect story. Then my mom read it, and gave me two pages worth of spelling mistakes, grammar errors, and othere corrections. That was a humbling experience to say the least.
It took that experience to help me develop my writing, the storytelling process, and even how I edit to further my style and capabilities. However, I still find myself staring at that computer screen from time to time. I know the story, I know how its supposed to go, but it’s just sitting there.
I think it’s a form of self doubt. My books are self published, I’ve put in more money into them than I’ve made, and with my latest book (The Outlander War) looming, I worry how it will do.
That comes with the territory for any artist, whether you be a writer, a musician, a filmmaker, etc. Frustration in your work spurs lack of inspiration, self doubt, and stress like you cannot believe. I’m trying to find the motivation for me to write these stories and not to doubt myself as a storyteller. It’s just a matter of time, and patience.
Mark Piggott is the author of the Forever Avalon book series. Forever Avalon is available for purchase as a paperback/ebook at Amazon. The Dark Tides is available for purchase as a paperback/ebook at Amazon, Barnes and Noble, and iUniversepublishing. The Outlander War, Book Three of the Forever Avalon series is coming soon from Austin Macauley Publishing.